what if?
I love the theater and performing arts! I believe my first experience with this was when I was in the 3rd grade and our class did a little performance of Cinderella in which I played one of the stepsisters. I remember making my costume dress out of paper and decorating it with paint and glitter and tissue paper flowers and when we took our final bows, seeing my mom in the front row with a bouquet for me and running to her (for which I received a scolding by my teacher) for hugs and kisses and, except for a few ballet recitals when I was older, that was the extent of my theatrical career; but not of my theatrical experiences. Growing up, there was a time when my mom regularly took me to see musicals and plays, and I have one very vivid memory of a particular concert, full orchestra, famous show-tune singers, and a packed house. I can’t tell you who sang or what songs were performed but, for the final performance, the conductor was going to choose someone from the audience to conduct the final piece which, I think, was some kind of patriotic song with lots of drum and cymbal action; or at least a song that most people were familiar with. All one had to do was raise their hand.
Now, before I continue, let’s talk about choices. Something I’ve often told my children is that everything we do in life has a consequence, every choice we make or don’t make – consequence. And it doesn’t even need to be anything with undertones of morality. It could be the difference between speaking up and staying silent; it could be taking your car in for regular service or driving it 5k miles past the time the check engine light came on; it could be believing in God’s promise for your future or taking matters into your own hands and trying to fulfill that promise before it was meant to be. I share this not to beset you with indecisiveness and fear, only to point out that our lives are affected by the choices we make.
Perhaps by now you know that I didn’t conduct the orchestra. I did (very shyly) raise my hand but waited too long to do it. But what if I’d raised my hand right away? What if I’d been chosen? Would my life have been different? Would it have affected every future life choice? Would I have become more of a risk-taker? A go-getter? Certainly, that moment of conducting a full orchestra in front of an audience would have been forever etched in my mind as one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life and yet, it is forever remembered as something I never did because I was too nervous, too afraid, acted too late. Can I just tell you that I’ve had a freaking belly full of too nervous, too afraid, too late? Story of my life! I believe this is mostly rooted in being a pleaser and living complacently so as not to ruffle feathers, including my own, but therein lies the rub because my feathers are ruffled to the point of being downright RAGGED!!! And I choose not to do it anymore. This. This is a choice I’m ready and willing to make; hand up high, consequences accepted. Who’s with me?
